This weekend will be so horribly busy. I’m going to lock myself in my room with candles and music until my work is done.

I am so utterly dissatisfied with people's attitudes. I resent how people act towards education or adventure; no one explores any more. This is partly the reason I am so rude to so many people. I am a nice person I think deep down; I have lovely thoughts and am quite spiritual at heart which may shock many who know me. Truth is there is no one who knows me wholeheartedly except my family and even they see someone far different from what I am. I love to wander on my own and soak in my own company and own thoughts because not one person on this planet will ever see the world through my eyes. I am not frightened of someone disagreeing with me and there is no fear or being wrong, but I think it is that I am uncertain of letting anybody into my little world because they might corrupt it or destroy some of the beautiful things. I am exceedingly old fashioned; although I enjoy the luxuries of modern day Britain I think these have replaced any emotional or moral luxuries we may have had beforehand. I want to be swept off my feet and to dance like a flapper girl with someone to the music my grandparents swooned over. That is my ultimate fantasy. I have always believed in a soul and the fact that when someone dies it is not the end of them: I think this is more of a comfort than anything but everybody carries their loved ones with them after death anyway so I don't think it is an unhealthy belief.

I hate the fact that boys poke you in the face. I am aware that this doesn't apply to most boys but I have discovered one who is a face poker and just wish instead of divulging so much energy into this action would actually go to college and educate himself so that maybe, one day, hopefully, we could engage in an intelligent conversation. This makes me so utterly sad that it is "uncool" to attend school; this is why my heart is set on Cambridge University. The people there will want to learn and want to explore the world and I think this is all I will ask for in life: to learn as I adventure through life albeit most likely in my most common own company.

I want something interesting to happen.

I’m so bored of school and the same old things every day; it drives me insane knowing I will wake up to the same four walls and then go to the same school to do the same subjects in the same uniform. I want something mad to happen, it doesn’t even have to be a good thing. I want something to challenge me now in life and make me question things; even if it makes me angry or distraught I want it to happen because in the end it always makes you better. I want someone to come along who isn’t the same; I want someone to surprise me and do something really weird and spontaneous. I love being shocked. By “someone” I mean a guy as my friends and guy friends are beautiful but anyone I get to like turns out to be absolutely the same and eventually it all fizzles out. I want someone to make me belly laugh or someone to make me question everything I believe in but not in a way that we argue, but that we talk and learn together. Gah I suppose I am so old fashioned in this way; I find my grandparents whole life together so perfect and I just wish it was like that with people now.

I need someone to remind me that the world is a beautiful place.

Today at least, I need someone. I feel so lonely, and not because of what's happened, but because I have realised that when you go home at night you really are alone.

Love is a bond to someone that is far stronger than anything else that exists. My nanny looks after my Grandad every day; she has to find the things he loses, calm him when he gets into his panic attacks, remain calm herself when he becomes the most frustrating of people and remind him which is the hot or cold tap. Not once does she complain; she looks so exhausted from being his brain as well as hers. It breaks a heart to see someone that has been an intelligent, hard working and kind man become someone who is scared of life and to everyone who doesn't know him, seem dumb and useless. It must be so bewildering to not remember how the world around you works; to only be able to recall the things that happened fifty years ago. You know that panic when you think there is one more step than there is and your foot falls through mid-air, or when you rock on your chair and for a moment you think you will fall. He is falling through mid-air; with every gap in his memory, the floor from underneath him is pulled away and he is left in such a petrifying place. I wish we could wrap people in cotton wool and keep them from hurting, from fearing. I don't like to think of someone so clever feeling so alone and isolated. I wish I could join him in his alien world and help my nanny from being pulled into it with him. She never even raises her voice towards him. They have been married for 64 years and yet they still love as if they have their whole lives ahead of themselves again. I love you both so much. This is so hard.

I want this tattooed on my hip

Today I had my art exam but I had to cope with the world's worst headache which made me sad and I couldn't concentrate. I am really happy with how it went and it was like a great weight lifted from my shoulders when it was over. I am now enjoying pink wafer biscuits and wallowing in the happy thought that tomorrow is my last exam. February is nearly here which means me self indulgent trip to London with my mummy, who is seemingly becoming more of a best friend to me every day. I know no one else who would stay up with me and help me with art coursework until early hours of the morning. Unconditional love will never have limits.

None of it matters.

I have just finished watching "The OctoMum"; a documentary on Chanel4 about the woman who gave birth to the only surviving set of octuplets. Before having this miracle thrust upon her, the woman already had 6 children which now brings the total to a whopping 14. When the single mum brought the octuplets home from hospital, the press turn out was so massive that the car, carrying the new born babies, was being shaken and cameras were being knocked against the windows. The only reason I have reservations about being a journalist is because I don't want to become some hounding animal who invades somebody's life; I just want to write.

The US public has built up monumental hatred for this woman; they hound her, they send her hate mails, they are trying to get her to give up at least some of the babies and agree they should all have been aborted and have issues with the fact they were conceived through IVF. The main reason they are so resentful of this woman is because she no longer works and therefore the state pays for the children. I do not condone that state benefits should be taken advantage of, but I also feel that there are a lot of benefits given out to people who spend them on drugs and alcohol instead of their children and at least her money was being put to use for the good of her children.

The main problem I have with the hate she has received is that they have not taken into account one thing; she loves all of those children as much as a mother would love an only child. Quality time with mum is admittedly going to be cut short, but the mother herself was an only child and felt horribly lonely, therefore giving her the want for a big family. There are so many children out there who go home to parents who abuse them, who don't listen to them, who don't love them but these 14 children go home to a mother who adores them and I think that is much more important than the fact they might have to share a bedroom because there are so many of them.

People told the mother to give some of the children up; her response was "How do you go about choosing which one of your children to give up? Pick at random?"

I wholeheartedly agree; you wouldn't ask a mother of twins to pick between the two, but this is effectively what this woman was being asked to do on a bigger scale.

I personally believe that as long as you go home to parents or a parent who loves you, then anything else doesn't matter. Whether you share a bedroom with a sibling or not doesn't mould who you become as an adult, but whether you are brought up by someone who cares.

A crystal ball.

It would be utterly fabulous to have a crystal ball don't you think? But then at the same time the most selfish and soul consuming thing you could ever attempt to own. It is a more fabulous thought in my opinion to know that walking around on this tiny blue planet right now is the person you will one day love, or one day because very best of friends with. How bizarre the puzzle of life is cut that if you were to see them in the street today you wouldn't pay them any more attention than anyone else, but one day you will be scared of not knowing them.

Some religious believers prosper in the thought that God has planned each of us our own path in life that will teach us lessons and reward us along the way; that everything has been foretold. I couldn't and wouldn't want to ever believe that my future is "predictable". I want it to be spontaneous and exciting. I want my path to twist and turn and to teach myself by the painful process of failure and heartbreak. I think that when opportunity knocks, you should welcome it in and give it the most comfortable of stays.

Anyone ever had that feeling where they’re stuck in life. Completely stuck in a moment of nothingness; in limbo between happy and sad. I wish I could pause and get off because these next few days are too overpoweringly stressful for how I am feeling right now. Going to listen to my friend’s gcse composition which is beautiful and text somebody random in a desperate search of companionship.

" Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter"

martin luther king jr

We are just a tiny dot in the universe if you think about it. We are nothing more than a spec of dust. Our lives seem so important and stressful, but we will one day die and only a small percent of six billion will even notice.

oh they're fabulous creatures

Hello, I'm Abbey. I am starting this blog because I love to ramble. I have friends and a wonderful family but nothing is like rambling to a blog. I love feathers, rings, turquoise jewellery and tassles. Incense makes my life a lot calmer and I would love you forever if you were to buy me a giant house rabbit. I live in Bournemouth by the sea and my oh my it is a wonderful place to live, but Cambridge and London are calling out to me. I cannot wait to start my alevels and to hopefully take a gap year and fly back to New Zealand and Australia along with Bali; just a few of the places I fell in love with and need to return to. I keep myself to myself although I am very opinionated. I love debating and love people who fight for what they believe in. My mum is my best friend and I like planning adventures with her more than anyone else in the world.

My main inspiration in my life is my nan. She is 87 and looks as beautiful today as she ever did. I see a lot of myself in her and admire the strength she has lived her life with but also her undying sense of spirit and adventure that even today is fighting strong. I want to be a journalist and write about things that I feel should change. One day I would love to write my grandparents' love story as their lives have been twisted with anguish that I can only imagine.

I want to work hard and study English at University. I don't have a boyfriend but that is mainly because I am looking for a best friend and someone who will travel with me and have the same passion for learning and exploration that I do.

I am Abbey and I want to travel the world and write about it as I go.